10 Business Jokes You’ll Love
Here is a collection of 10 best business jokes I came across lately. Enjoy! 🙂
I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. Whilst in the lounge, I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the Chesterfield enjoying a cognac.
I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late.
Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick “Hello, Chris” at me when I was with my client. He agreed.
Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said “Hi Chris, what’s happening?”
To which I replied “Fuck off Gates, I’m in a meeting”.
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
“What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?”
“I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving this Friday.”
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business, much like his own, opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS.’
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES.’
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.
Boss: “I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase.”
Employee: “That’s because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?”
Boss: “Right. Except for the ‘us’ part.”
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card: “Rest in Peace.”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: ‘Congratulations on your new location!'”
Employer to a leaving employee:
“It is certainly going to be hard to replace you. Especially on the salary we were paying.”
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read:
“I’m the Boss!”
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
“Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for an accountant,
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO walks up the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200.00 a week. Why?”
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “He’s the pizza delivery guy.”
I hope this has made your day better! 😉